To do or not to do, before saying I do. This article is for the guys who are wondering if it’s a good idea to hold out like they have sometimes been told. Is it just some old fashioned and unrealistic idea? We asked around and we found out that it’s more popular a practice than we thought. Here are five reasons why you may want to save your bride till the wedding night.
1. What am I doing with this person?
A sure way to determine if you’re compatible with someone is to not get into their pants. We’re talking about the type of compatibility that would enable you to enjoy this person’s company even when you two haven’t had sex in a long while (a reality of married life). Sex confuses both men and women, and those sex emotions and chemicals don’t allow for sound judgement. Before getting hitched to someone, you should see how the two of you sort out disputes and if you actually can without sex. Bidemi shares a story of how he began spending a lot of time with a girl whom he had been crushing on for months. “When she noticed that I wasn’t trying to get her in bed, she became confused. She asked if I never fantasized about her. I explained to her that I was trying to avoid sleeping with her so I could check our compatibility. You see I had no problem suggesting that I was looking for a wife because there was no way she could manipulate me without sex. She said she believed that we were compatible, but I didn’t agree. ‘I can’t see us having conversations when we’re in our fifties’, I said.
2. Based on faith
To be honest, the guys who told us that they practiced this no sex business before getting married, did so based on Christian belief. If you’re going to follow a faith, it makes sense to observe its teachings when it comes to such a life changing decision as marriage. If there’s one thing we can tell from the statistics of troubled marriages, it’s that many people make poor choices. If you don’t believe in a religion then that’s a different matter. Some churches, like Salvation Ministries won’t agree to marry you and your girlfriend if you’ve already had sex. How will they know, we asked?”They’ll know”, says a member who had to call off an engagement to a member of that church because they had done it before.
3. Room for escape
It’s a billion times easier to break up with a girl whom you haven’t slept with. Say you discover that she’s not the one, you can wriggle away without her guilt tripping you about using her. Even if her family knows you as a candidate, you won’t have anything on your conscience if you decide to stop calling their daughter. And best of all, the two of you can remain friends. If a guy is looking for someone to settle down with, it’s actually time efficient to go around making special friends, assessing each of them with no strings or commitment. That can only happen if you haven’t put yourself in a position (no pun intended) where you owe any of these girls anything.
4. Baby on the way
This is a sensitive one. According to biological research, having intercourse could lead to having a baby. Any couple should have the option to back out at the last minute but if junior is on the way then that option is not really available. Let’s not even talk about those messy cases where some guy unknowingly ends up fathering someone else’s child. Many couples drop their guard during courtship, citing the idea that they’ll be married soon so they might as well let go. Marriage counsellor Pastor Jude Nweze says that many courtships get called off after counselling due to irreconcilable differences. If that’s true then the ol’ ‘we’ll soon be husband and wife so let’s do it’, is just hormones talking, not common sense.
5. A night to remember
Save some for your wedding night. It might seem sappy but there really seems to be a reward for holding out till after the vows. Many couples swear by it. How many of them are telling the truth? Well who cares? It’s a personal thing between you and your bride. One can see how it makes sense to create a sentimental demarcation between all the failed relationships, and the one relationship that is meant to last. For one thing, Nigerian weddings are so expensive and elaborate. So it might be worth it to put some respect on the whole thing.
If you’re planning on getting married, it’s worth it to consider doing things differently from everyone else. Maybe this is one of the things that many intending couples get wrong, and then they end up appearing on instablog in a few years. The guys we interviewed who said they had practiced this type of abstinence, didn’t seem to be worried about the possibility of being disappointed with their bride’s performance in bed. That’s because theirs was a faith based decision.