We all want to feel that feeling of belonging. What I mean to say is that we all want to belong somewhere. That is the underlying reason why humans create communities like churches, schools, workplaces, unions, heck even marriage to some degree… We just don’t want to mind our business until we are sure there are other people around.
Sometimes however, we have one person or some people in our circle who we want to avoid but there is no polite way of telling them to bugger off- that is where the art of sidelining comes in.
SO WHAT IS SIDELINING?
In simple terms, It is the premeditated exclusion of a person or group of persons from social activities which had they been opportune, would have loved to attend. That’s the simplest way we could put it.
Now it must not necessarily be an event but there has to be something to be gained before it can be considered sidelining.
An Example: Not telling someone that you and your friends are going to the hospital is not sidelining. But telling someone that you are going to the hospital and leaving out the detail that you will be going to the movies afterwards? Just so they don’t tag along? Now that’ sidelining.
Perhaps you have sidelined others or you have suffered sidelining, this article aims to help us avoid being sidelined because it is a painful experience and if you do not take note, you don’t even know it is happening.
WHY DOES SIDELINING HAPPEN?
Cold beef -It is possible you have offended your friend without knowing. Or perhaps you thought you had been forgiven but you were wrong. This said friend can decide to steer clear of your company and as such decide to keep you on the side lines while the enjoyment is happening.
Nothing to offer – This is something people do not get. In a circle, everybody must contribute. You are either the rich friend or the funny friend or the controversial friend. You have to bring something to the clique. I have a friend who, whenever he is around,he drives us to places in his cool car and we just buy fuel-he is invaluable.
Gluttony – In the bible, gluttony is one of the 7 deadly sins and for good reason. When you consume more than you input, you end up cutting into another person’s ration and nobody likes that. Gluttony is not limited to food and drink but on all fronts. If you didn’t contribute to the cab payment and you fuss about where you must sit, that’s gluttony. If you didn’t pay for the movie ticket and you insist on shawarma, bros or babe, na gluttony be dat o. You will be sidelined eventually.
HOW TO AVOID BEING SIDELINED
Respect yourself – Seriously! Stay on your lane and endeavor to step on as little toes as possible. There is a lady who I know who went to the same secondary school as me. She is pretty and she has money but damn she is so annoying. Eventually, the amount of people who called her out were more than those who sucked up to her. She has been sidelined.
Contribute – Surely there is something everybody is good at and that thing can benefit your friends. It is not restricted to money. Take me for example. I cook, have a sense of humor, I have swag and I know a bunch of fun, great-looking people so you want me at your fun gatherings because me and my crew add to the event and not take from it. Even if there is zero naira in my pocket. Look for what you are good at and contribute that.
You notice that there are lots of people who have terrible characteristics like being loquacious (talku talku) but their friends still stick with them. Look well! They are not breaking any sidelining rules. No matter how important you think you are, once you are sidelined, it hurts so let’s not let it happen to us.
Using the tips outlined here, we can stay on top of our social circle and make sure that we are never excluded from the benefits of being part of any circles.