THE ULTIMATE FOR ANY MARRIAGE TO SUCCEED – BY AB EMERUWA

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There has been so much rant on social media about failure in marriages, marital violence and the like, especially in this generation. Our parents and grannies succeeded in their marriages, raised us and handed us safely to our spouses, but our
generation has decided that what worked for our parents will not work for us.

Our fathers played the role of being the bread winners in the home. They loved our mothers and even us, worked so hard to make sure we all went to school, even though some of our fathers never had such privileges. They never relied on what our mothers brought home. Our fathers were selfless. They always put our mother’s first.

When they had misunderstanding with our mothers, they never had any social media to go and announce it. They quarreled, sometimes even fought, but they always settled between themselves. Only irresponsible parents allowed
the neighbors to know they were quarreling.

Our fathers raised us in the fear of the Lord. They taught us how to live with integrity. Our fathers flogged us when we did wrong; they did not spare the rod.

What about our mothers? They never struggled for equality with our fathers. They understood what it meant to submit to our fathers. They never stopped praying for our fathers while our fathers were out their hustling bread for the family. Our mothers were home builders; they took very good care of us and ensured that we the children and our dads never
lacked a good meal.

Our mothers never for once asked our fathers, “Who said it is the role of the woman to cook and clean the house?”

Our mothers understood that in every organization there must be a head, and you treat the head of that organization respectfully, so they applied same in our homes.

Our mothers were never idle, while having two or three maids doing all the chores while they sit and watch Telemundo. They always had something useful to do. Our mothers always covered our sisters’ nakedness. They always scolded our sisters whenever they dressed indecently. But today, some of our wives prefer to go naked. Our mothers never said “my money is for me and the children, his money is for all of us”, No! our mothers supported our fathers in every possible way they could.

When I was a little boy, so many of our mothers left their jobs to raise us very well and give us the needed attention. They
were always home before our fathers got back, but today very often, you see our husbands getting home and few hours later our wives are still out there chasing career.

When I was a little boy, you could hardly see a maid cooking for our fathers and giving them all the personal attention
because our mothers were away hustling. But today, most of our husbands have been left to be attended to by maids.

When I was a little boy, when our mothers got married they would drop their father’s name and bear their husbands name, but today our young wives get married and still want to retain their father’s names.

When I was a little boy our parents used to marry for love, pure love. But today, we are marrying for interest. We look for what we can gain out of the marriage before we venture.

When I was a little boy, our father’s mothers were free to visit our homes anytime and our mothers would take good care of them and show them love. But today our wives will say they married the man and not his family. When I was a little boy, the word divorce was like a huge sacrilege, but today the word is brought to use very often in most couples’ quarrel sessions.

When our mothers made mistakes our fathers used to cover them and not take sides with his family. They would rebuke anyone who speaks ill of our mothers. But today, some of our husbands prefer to listen to their mothers over their wives.

When I was a little boy, our mothers would ensure and do everything possible to make sure our sisters remain virgins until the night of their weddings. But today families will advice their sons to get her pregnant first and ensure she’s fertile before he marries her. So it becomes more obvious he married her primarily because he wants babies. When I was a little boy, our parents taught us abstinence. Today we are teaching our children to protect themselves.

When I was a little boy, our parents easily forgave each other, but today the slightest provocation leads to contemplation of divorce. When I was a little boy if our mothers ran away from our fathers’ house, saying she was done with the marriage, when she would go back to her father’s house, her father would drive her away – back to her husband’s house. So our parents had no choice but to settle their differences.

Today, a woman will easily walk away from her marriage because she has a family who will still accept her back.

When I was a little boy, our fathers had father figures in their lives who would advice them and they would listen. Today,  because a man has made some money he no longer listens to anybody.

Our parents married for virtue and substance. Today, we get married for social reputation and show off. So tell me, how can this be enough to sustain a marriage? I know times have changed, but the principle of husbands loving their wives and wives submitting to their husbands will be ever green and remain the ultimate for every marriage to succeed.

AB Emeruwa is an Architect, Business man, Prolific Writer and an Inspirational Speaker. He is passionate about excellence and seeing young people go ahead to succeed against all odds.